What to say?

I got a phone call tonight from a girl I used to be very good friends with. She called me because she had a friend who was pregnant and lost that baby at 23 weeks. I wasn’t able to talk as work was getting in the way, however, I knew I had answers for her when she said she was having a really hard time holding on to her faith in God. I was going to tell her that that baby, while away from her loving mother and father, is in the hands of our Lord now. She will never have to worry about the pains of this world because is in heaven with Him tonight. She is also in heaven with my little girl, Gianna Maria. My friend doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know that I lost a little baby who would have been two this past month.

Many women bare the pains of mis-carriages alone. Society doesn’t support much the woman who mis-carries. Often times the pain is pushed to the side or swept under the rug because there is no one to talk to. While I had my wonderful husband and some close friends to talk to and get support from, the pain is very much within me to this day. To this day, I can’t talk about Gianna with out my tears welling up (as they are now). I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her, how happy Joshua and I were. How happy we were were to be realizing the dream of starting our own family. I remember driving to work and talking to her and telling her all the things we would do together, most of all, I remember singing to her. The day I started spotting was one of the hardest days of my life. The hardest was the day I found out I lost her. My first baby. The one I had prayed for. I felt that I had let Joshua down. I didn’t understand why God had taken her. I didn’t want to rely on Him at that time. I wanted to be angry. Then I realized that He was the one who created Gianna, and it was His plan that she not experience the pains of this world.

Now Gianna gets to spend all of her life in the arms of our Heavenly Father and with His son and Our Blessed Mother, Mary. Joshua and I often joke that Jesus is holding her down to tickle her right this moment. Thank you, God, for your wisdom and knowledge to know what we don’t.

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