I used to think I was shy. I am not shy, really, I have come to realize, I just happen to hold my cards very closely to myself.
When it comes to play dates with the kids, I would rather drive an hour to visit friends from back in the day and have our kids play than hang out with a mother who has children close to same age as my kids in my current location. (Exception: The Coolest Kid’s Mom).
I would rather hang out with a few select friends than have a crowd to run with again. Most nights, I am happy sitting on the couch with Joshua, reading or watching a dorky science fiction television show. I am content in the quiet of the evening. I enjoy an occasional Ladies Night Out with my friends, sure, but being at J’s side is even more fun.
I have come to realize why this is. It is very hard to trust someone, very hard. I have found that many women are still mentally in eighth grade. How does one get married, raise a family and not leave mentality that behind? How do you trust a woman like that? You are not able to, so you have to hold your cards close.
One thing I look forward to with this move it the chance to return to anonymity. No one will know who we are. Sure, they may notice us as the family with 3 then 4 young ones who talk funny, but that is all they will ever have to know. I cannot express how much I look forward to this!
So true. It’s especially hard, I think, with children. There may be some things I’m able to deal with in others as a friend and decide how much to give and how much to pull back. I think this gets even harder when friends have children who play with our children and then we realize we do not want to raise our children at all in the same way. As lonely as I am out here in the hinterland, I will not go chat it up with our neighbors whose views on the world are very different from my own. It gets even harder for many to understand why I feel the same way about fellow Catholics who are so differ so much from my thinking on certain issues… it’s because I must protect my soul and my children.